Dating a non mormon
How could I help a non-Mormon spouse to feel like a member of my ward family when he is not a member of my church? Is it naive to think we could raise our children to fully participate in two different faiths?I am willing to add his religious observances to our worship as a couple and as a family, but should I also be willing to give up some of my participation in my own faith – for example by attending the temple or Sunday services slightly less often in order to spend more time as an entire family? If it is even possible, would it strengthen or weaken their ability to develop a personal relationship with their Heavenly Father? Even if you and your spouse have a signed-in-blood pact that you will never try to convert him—it’s worth considering—the Mormons around you won’t be able to help themselves.So much of what I have been taught during my lifetime as a member of the church has conditioned me to see any marriage that isn’t a temple marriage as as settling for less, even as disappointing to God, but I don’t think that marrying someone outside of the temple and striving for an eternal marriage are mutually exclusive. Mormon theology is pretty clear: to go to the highest levels of heaven, you must marry a fellow Mormon in the Mormon temple.I have observed in relationships among friends and family inside and outside of the church that holding a temple recommend does not guarantee a strong, happy marriage. Like the other night when my husband was standing in front of the kitchen window in his pajamas threatening to shoot the inflatable snowpeople on the neighbor’s lawn with a BB gun because he so dislikes Costco Christmas cuteness in his line of sight. But Mormon theology is also rich with opportunities for second chances.
And while I’ve grown up in the Mormon church and been a member my whole life, this very good man was raised Catholic and now claims no church or religious faith. And their feelings about your marriage are their business—not yours. Especially if they’re Mormon and you’re Mormon and you’re marrying a non-Mormon, it may be pretty difficult. But that parent-child relationship was bound to change anyways as you become an adult. Today, at my ward sacrament meeting, in the back section of the chapel where I was sitting, all the women except one were Mormon wives in interfaith families. No, it’s not really important if other people have feelings about your interfaith marriage.
Like many single members of the church, I have often wondered whether I would be willing to marry someone outside of the temple, and over the past few years I have come to believe that I would be willing to do so. But it is important to be ruthlessly honest with yourself about how you feel about it.
Now that my boyfriend and I are beginning to talk about a future together, though, I realize that I need to consider this question of marrying outside of the church very carefully. And you must be honest in your conversation with God about it.
By Amelia Ten years ago, I was living in London where my friends and I often engaged in long, provocative discussions that sometimes lasted all night.
One night we had a long talk about whether we would marry men who were not Mormon. I had absolute trust in my loving Father-God that somehow it would work out that people who had the kind of marriage I wanted to have—a trusting, loving, deeply committed companionate marriage—would not be separated in the eternities.